Holiday gift ideas from Techno Claus

Techno Claus (who looks suspiciously like “Sunday Morning” correspondent David Pogue) offers gift suggestions for those on your holiday list who love gadgets, for work and play:

Good morning, dear gentlemen, let us all pause for a moment
And welcome a visit from me, Techno Claus!
I come to suggest high-tech gift ideas,
A job I have been doing for 14 consecutive years now.
I am happy to be here in your beautifully decorated hall,
Cheap costume, unplaceable accent and all.

MuteMe Button ($40)

The stupid pandemic has borne such fruit
As people on Zoom exclaim, “You’re quiet!”
Won’t happen to me! Because look what I got:
If it’s green, they can hear you; when red, they can’t.
No fuss with icons for this jolly elf;
I will never make a hole out of _______ again.

Hotdot Rechargeable Hand Warmers ($30)

These chemical hand warmers are not to my taste,
You use them once, then they are nothing but waste.
But these are electric! Rechargeable, see?
Both sides give you heat to your choice of degree.
Winter should no longer mean “chilled to the bone”.
And hey, in a pinch you can charge your phone!

Renpho Cordless Jump Rope ($26)

So guess what I do for my exercise? NOPE!
It’s kind of like jump rope, minus the rope!
Low ceilings? No problem! Now spaces? Long hair?
You can even exercise while stuck in a chair!
It counts your jumps on your phone, or right here,
And if you prefer a real queue, don’t be afraid!

JBL Clip 4 Bluetooth Speaker ($45)

Do you know who likes music while you work? My elves!
But regular speakers sit upright on the shelves.
But this one is portable, built with a clip
For your car, or your workbench, or even your hip.
The sound and bass are excellent for the size
And it’s waterproof too – that’s a pleasant surprise!

CovoBox ($57 and up)

Before: a disaster of cables and equipment.
And then: I made all that nonsense disappear!
It is true! Don’t be fooled by the elegant appearance:
It’s storage handmade from a bundle of books.
The books were salvations, if that were not enough
What would have been landfill, now you can hide your stuff!

KJOY LED Car Sign ($60)

How often do you, while driving somewhere,
Did you have a thought to express to a manager back there?
Don’t be silent anymore! Stick this bluetooth screen,
Choose a message here, then send away!
A warning, a thank you, a how-do-you,
Or make animations – it’s all up to you!

Therabody Smart Goggles ($200)

The world, let’s face it, causes us stress
We get more headaches, and we sleep much less.
But these things massage you in places like this,
And there is heat; you can make them as hot as you like.
The app provides guidance to find your peace
And a monitor measures your heart rate reduction.
With 200 smugglers I know they are not cheap
But who puts a price on refreshment and sleep?

That does it, dear gentlemen: an abundance of fun.
I hope you enjoyed them; now, i have to run!
I still use the reindeer to get started
Because nobody makes a rechargeable sled!

Story produced by David Rothman. Editor: Mike Levine.